mixed feelings

Now is one of those times when I do not know what I am feeling. There seems to be a myriad of feelings in a jumbo cocktail and it is of all tastes at the same time.

I believe myself to be a good judge of character and yet I always repeat the same mistake of trusting the wrong person. Maybe, trust is something which should not be given easily and yet I’d always believe in the goodness of people before they’d proven that they are actually not to be trusted. Even though the instances of misplaced trust have been few and far in between, they hurt and each incident hurt deeply.

Some people are unable to trust others (even themselves) all their lives. Call me naive but I find living without trust a state worse than death. What is the point of being alive when you are constantly on your guard against others and there is absolutely no one you can trust?

The same thing with love. Love with your all heart. Love not for any reason. There is no because in love. Love changes. Love changes always for the better, not for the worse. In the latter case, it was not love.

Many things can camouflage love or masquerade as love. And how do we know it is love? We know because our hearts know. There is no explanation for love.

Love at first sight. How perfect. How sweet. A miracle. But love changes and you know how to accept these changes when you know love.

Love and trust are partners. They are never without each other. A person who cannot trust another can never love. A person who cannot love can never trust.

Sometimes I get tired. But I never give up. Perhaps I am too optimistic or naive. For there are people who’d never know love or trust.

Sadly, people who do not know how to love or trust will never be able to accept the love or trust of others. And people who are unable to accept the love or trust of others will never know love or trust.

Listen to what your heart says. Open it to others. Learn to live life and not let the weight of history pull you into its grave.

Even the fortune teller thinks I am too trusting by nature. So be it. I have no sky high ambitions. I have no wish to trample on others just to achieve my goals. I am happy the way I am and there is no harm bringing more love and trust into this world.

If only things were this easy. 24th February is the birthday of someone who mean a lot to me. I want things back to the way it was. But that is impossible. Trust is like a piece of glass. It can never the same once you break it. Maybe with a bit of magic, a little miracle, it could. But wishful thinking can never get things done.

Almost all the important people in my life are born on the 24th. Amazing.